I'm a curmudgeon, I know. But at the risk of sounding like the late Andy Rooney, can someone please tell me why the fuck anyone would spend good money on a magnet that says "Yay! Me!" I saw this and dozens of other "Yay!" magnets...
If someone asked you, at age 5, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" What would you have said? My five-year-old son, Leo, graduated from preschool today and while you might laugh at the notion of a preschool commencement exercise, I have...
It was a perfectly imperfect game. Everyone made contact with the ball. Eventually. Errors were made- typically several on each play, though I'm not sure how the scoring works when teammates tackle each other in a rugby scrum fighting for a ground ball. And no...
If I ever become the world's fattest man, I won't be granting any interviews. And I definitely won't be posing for photo shoots. I read with fascination astory by Sarah Lyall in The New York Times last week about Paul Mason, a British man who...
My three-year-old son, James, is a brutally honest lad. "Daddy, I love mommy better than you," he says just about every week. And he's not kidding either. When my wife is out of town, he acts more loving toward me, but as soon as she returns, he's...
I'm the kind of guy who never forgets a good cookie. Eleven years ago, I worked for a publisher- Northwestern University Press in Evanston- and I used to frequent a place called Al's Deli that had otherworldly butter cookies. Al's was one of the few...
I don't expect other parents to mirror my parenting style but sometimes there is real peer pressure to conform to how other parents want you to act. My sons, ages 3 and 5, like to play at Barnes & Noble, because they have a huge...
In an age where texts, tweets and Facebook posts are all but replacing live telephone conversations, it's becoming harder and harder to connect with friends on the phone. It's almost embarrassing how often I play phone tag with friends and family members. It is not...
How great is the Evanston library? Let me answer the question by relaying a conversation we had with a librarian there last week while signing up for library cards. "Now, you can take out up to 75 books at a time," she said, before my wife...
I knew we were in trouble as soon as I saw the grave look on the campground owner's face. He was standing with his arms folded across his chest as we drove up the path toward our campsite and as we inched closer toward him,...
My hatred of the Yankees and their fans borders on the pathological. I see the Yankees logo on a hat or a bumper sticker and I immediately formulate a negative opinion of the person brandishing it. If Mother Theresa had been a Yankees fan, I...
The golden-vested front man of the Marlin Latin Band is leading a crowd of mostly middle-aged Europeans in a choreographed line dance, the likes of which hasn't been seen in North America since the heady days of disco and Saturday Night Fever. He calls out...
"You called me a liar, and I don't like this," said Graziella, the shop manager, looking hurt. "Look," I said, "I never called you a liar and I didn't mean to insult you, but I can't see with these glasses you sold me." I was standing at...
Have you ever gone on strike? If you're American, I bet you haven't. If I had to guess, I'd say that 99% of Americans have never walked a picket line, professional athletes notwithstanding. But in Italy, and other parts of Europe, strikes are an every...
Travelers expect people who work in tourist information offices to be friendly, helpful and proactive in providing information and tips that help them plan their visit to the destination. Over the years, I've visited hundreds of these places around the world and all the free...
As I write this, my two-year-old son James is fast asleep in his crib, with boxes of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese in his hands and around his little body. Like many products geared towards kids, it's not so much that he loves the taste of...
I went to my local Home Depot the other day in search of a screw. For my office chair. And I brought my four-year-old son, Leo, my associate man-of-the-house with me. According to the New Georgia Encyclopedia, whatever the hell that is, the average Home...
I'm not sure why, but I try to cram before dental appointments. I'm normally an occasional flosser, but the night or two before a dental appointment, I will floss the living hell out of my teeth. And brush them a bit more vigorously to boot....
My four-year-old son, Leo, likes it when I leave the house because I designate him as man-of-the-house before I leave. In his world, being man-of-the-house means getting to have hot cocoa and watch Dog the Bounty Hunter cuddled up withhis mom under the blankets. Not...
Last night, my wife and I decided to split a cup of decaf while talking a walk through Old Town Alexandria. I've never thought of a cup of to-go coffee as a splurge but as a freelance writer living in one of America's most expensive...
The small sign in the window of a seen-better-days office building advertising $5 haircuts caught my eye. I was strolling around Annandale, Northern Virginia's Korean enclave, doing some research for a story I was writing on the local Korean community for The Fairfax Times. I...
Eleven years ago, I quit a job in Chicago in order to take a long, solo, mostly overland trip from Cairo to Shanghai. I planned to spend about four months traveling through the Middle East, Russia, Ukraine, the Caucasus, Central Asia and China, and upon...
Do you know why I pulled you over? It's the question you hate to hear on a road trip and there is no right answer. In most cases, you know very well why you've been pulled over: you were driving too fast. But is it...
The small sign in the window of a seen-better-days office building advertising $5 haircuts caught my eye. I was strolling around Annandale, Northern Virginia's Korean enclave, doing some research for a story I was writing on the local Korean community for The Fairfax Times. I...